7 Things You Can Do To Support Someone Through Grief

I have thought about writing about grief - either through a book or dedicated blog. I have had so much experience - not only with my own, but those of close family and friends. I have lost three family members in three years: my 28 year old sister to breast cancer in 2006, my 32 year old cousin (who was like a brother to me) in 2007, and his father (my uncle) in 2008. Prior to that in 2002, a close friend of our family lost her three year, little boy to A-typical SIDS.

The grieving process is very complicated, and everyone grieves differently despite background, circumstances and personality. There is no right or wrong way and no time table.

The worst time starts after the funeral. Before that you are busy (and distracted) with arrangements, visitors, etc. After the funeral, everyone goes back to their own lives and the silence can be deafening. While they are focused on their careers and families, you are left with the aftermath of tragedy.

When you offer to help someone, many times the person will say "no" or "not to worry about it", because they don't want to ask for favors, feel like they are inconveniencing anyone, or that the favor will come with a long visit they might not be up for. Here are a few suggestions to help someone you know who is grieving:

1. Send an e-mail or a card letting the person know you are thinking of them, and that you are there for whatever they need. Try to do this a few times a month.

2. Bring meals that can be left on the porch (so not to bother the person) and put them in a disposable container (so they are not worried with getting you your dish back).

3. If the person has kids, offer to babysit or take them to school. Many parents have said that grieving when you have children is harder because you don't have enough time to yourself and you feel you always have to be strong for (and in front of) them.

4. Offer to run errands and pick up things they might need.

5. Invite them to coffee, lunch or a movie.

6. Offer to go on a walk with them.

7. Just listen and validate their feelings. There is little you can say that they haven' t heard before or that will make them feel better.

There are many other things I could add to this list. Whatever you choose to do, be there for the long haul. The more devastating the loss, the more difficult the grief. It is a process that is constantly changing, and a journey that is exhausting and overwhelming.

Here is a link to one of the best articles I have read on grief (click here). Everything I have ever said to someone else (or heard someone else say) on the topic is mentioned.

Please share your own thoughts on grief in the comments section.