RR: How have you been able to deal with all the tragedy you have endured?
KM: When everything happened with my first child (she was born and whisked away at birth, hooked up to tubes and put into an incubator), I had just lost my mother 18 months before and I did do that whole “Why me?” thing. My brother and I had spent six months with my mom at an alternative clinic in the Bahamas, and I learned so much about myself and I evolved spiritually as a person during that time. But here I was at 30, having given birth to this little baby, and I called my brother, who is one of my best friends. I was crying “Why me? I can’t believe this! I lost mommy and now this! Why does all this stuff happen to me?” He listened to me cry, and then he said to me very calmly, “Why not you? Why anybody? Things happen in the world to people all the time. You’re meant to figure out why it has happened to you, and you’re meant to go good with it.” And it changed the way I looked at everything.
When I do my inspirational speaking, I give a speech on turning the emphasis from “Why me?” to “Why?” I think the real growth comes out of “Why has this happened?” and “What growth can come of it? What can I share to other people to ease their burden and ease their pain?” It is really about taking a step back and figuring what it means in the bigger scheme of things. I do believe that I will meet all my loved ones again, in heaven, at some point; I think that makes it a little bit easier. But in the meantime, I think when stuff like that happens, there is work to be done. That makes me feel more at peace to find meaning in those very difficult times.
It was a difficult thing to come to terms with my mother. She was so young and such as amazing person. One thing I learned is that the only person we are responsible for is ourselves. Although all of these losses are so tragic, each person is on their own journey. We are here to learn as much as we can, and facilitate as much as we can. At the end of the day, each journey is so uniquely their own, and I have learned to respect everybody for whatever brought them to wherever they were. If unfortunately, it took people like Erika or my mom, from our lives so early.
We spend so much time wishing things went different, or wishing they hadn’t done this, when in the meantime people are making their own choices all of the time. That is really the way it should be. There is a point when you have to respect the choices they have made - whatever the results are - and it is a difficult place to get to.
RR: What has been the biggest lesson that these trials have taught you?
KM: There is so much love and compassion in the world. That song that John Lennon and Paul McCartney wrote “All You Need is Love” is such a beautiful song, and it is so simple. I really think at the end of the day, love really is such an overriding feeling that drives us to do great and wonderful things. If we didn’t have that incredible feeling of love, hardship and joy, then we wouldn’t be able to do the things we do. If you didn’t love your sister the way you love your sister, you certainly wouldn’t have taken on this difficult task of being a solopreneur and stretch yourself in a new way.
Love is really a powerful force. For example, to feel all of that love come back in ripples from people that I don’t know, from this flash mob created in honor of my friend Erika, is a powerful force. You can move mountains with it. To think you reach out across the internet, and you don’t know anybody, and all of a sudden you’re touched by somebody’s life; that is meaningful stuff. It fuels me. It is wonderful.
Stay tuned for part 5.
Photo caption: Erika Heller with Kim MacGregor's daughters Madison, Ava and Elle.
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